I write this post in protest.
So much so I am tempted to lock myself in the closet or get lost in the woods where I have no access to writing materials. But then God would just have me write this post in my head and it would continue to prick me in the brain until I put it on paper. So, here I am, writing this post in protest.
I would like to preface this by saying that this is in no way meant to disrespect you or insinuate that celebrating Mother’s Day is wrong. PLEASE celebrate your blessings and allow them to celebrate you! I ADORE my sweet Mama and you can bet I am praising God for giving me such an amazing woman for my Mama! Happy Mother’s Day , Mama!! 🙂
This is just one childless Mama heart sharing her pain.
There are some times in my life that I have wanted to disappear….like POOF! Gone into thin air. One of those times is Mother’s Day….especially Mother’s Day in public.
I can almost hear the breaking of my wanna be Mama heart when it seems like every woman within a 150 mile radius is standing up to receive their special Mama recognition while I remain seated. Again. Childless another year.
Measurements of time are tough for women who are trying to get pregnant…especially those of us who have been trying for awhile. While our Mama friends measure their lives and their years by what their children are accomplishing, we measure our time by the occasions on which our childlessness is most evident. For example, I will be 40 on May 21st. I have been trying to get pregnant for almost 5 years now. 40 is considered an ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE (who comes up with this stuff??) and it just keeps getting more advanced from here. Tick tock. Tick tock.
While I realize it is tough for people to know what to say to people like me, I would like to remind us all that sometimes silence is golden. I really don’t need to be reminded that I am getting older (no one is more aware than I), I do not need advice on how to make babies (Todd and I are pretty sure we’ve got that one down pat), and I certainly do not need to hear about so and so and the time it took them 2 months to get pregnant and they thought they would just DIE from all the waiting.
And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t tell me you ‘just know’ we will have children one day…Seriously, ya’ll…..the only time this is acceptable is if God has personally come down and had a conversation with you about how He will be giving us children.
I really do not know what God’s plan is for Todd and me. He may plan to give us more babies than we can hold at one time, but it may also be that we will have none. I need to be ok with this. Wait, no. I don’t just need to be ok with this, I need to be praising Him for this. But how? or better yet, WHY praise God for the dreams that haven’t come true?
Because if I believe my God is who He says He is, then I have to TRUST that His will and His purpose in our lives is better than anything we could plan on our own. While I TRUST Him, I am asking Him to help me rejoice, pray and give thanks in all things…..even those things I do not understand.
WHEW!!!! This is a process ya’ll. I want to sit beside you on Mother’s Day and praise God for your children while I praise Him for my lack thereof. But please forgive me if Mother’s Day is still tough for me and all the other childless Mama hearts out there. It’s not that we aren’t happy for you, it’s just that we’re trying to find our place on a day that celebrates a dream that may never come true for us.
Father God, thank you for your sovereignty. Thank you that you have a plan for each and every one of our lives. Help us Lord, to trust your plan even (especially) when it doesn’t look the way we thought it would. On the days that are hard, Lord, I pray we would praise you through the pain and I pray we will allow you to use our pain for You glory. May we encourage one another as we go through trials, being obedient to share what You have laid upon our hearts….even if it is in protest. 🙂 I love you Lord, and I ask you to continue to walk with us through our stories, and I pray that You will be honored and glorified as You do your perfect work in us and through us. In Christ’s name, Amen.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18