“I’m so broken, I can’t even write.”
I sobbed these words to a friend, recently.
Writing is my release. My heart dump, if you will. It’s where I get all the feelings out, even if I never share them publicly.
I have a process. I open a document for each month. That way, I have somewhere to bang out a few sentences with no pressure to make them into something coherent. I’m currently writing this in a document aptly named “October writing.” This document actually contains some sentences….finally.
Because these last several months? Even though I’ve sat down to write 1000 times, ALL of those documents are blank.
There are no paragraphs. No sentences. No words.
This last year has been ridiculously hard for Todd and me. One of the hardest. And we’re still in the middle of the yuck. So much so, I can’t even get into details without breaking down.
I’ve felt so weighted down by all the things we’ve been walking through, oftentimes it feels like I’m just going through the motions. I want to be joyful in hope, but some days, the best I can do is thank Jesus I made it out of bed.
But God is faithful, y’all.
He continues to love on us, encourage us, and strengthen us.
Through His word, His Spirit, and His people.
They point us to Truth when we feel we’re drowning in lies. They pray us through the days we can’t seem to form our words into prayers. They remind us we’re not alone on what feels like an impossibly lonely road.
I don’t know why we’re in the midst of this battle. We certainly wouldn’t have chosen it for ourselves. But it’s in this battle we’re learning to filter life through God’s Truth and trust His will.
It’s in these hard places we see Him fighting for us.
And here in the brokenness, we can’t help but praise Him, because we know His is the victory.
Friends, sometimes life is just hard. If you find yourself battered and broken tonight, please hear me when I say, it won’t be hard and yucky forever. God’s working on our behalf.
And in the meantime? Let’s lean into Jesus and allow Him to use our brokenness to let His Light shine through.
He will use this redemption story He’s writing in our lives for His glory.
Because He is good, y’all, even when we’re tempted to let our circumstances convince us otherwise.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
Lord, we find ourselves in such hard places right now. It’s hard to see the Light in the midst of all the darkness and it’s hard to trust Your will when we don’t understand the pain. Jesus, draw near to us, cover us in Your peace, give us rest in Your presence and help us trust Your sovereignty even when it’s hard. We love you, Jesus. Amen.