Heart Scars


How can it be that scars still cause pain? Surely, once the wounds are healed, the pain should no longer exist.

This is logical, I guess. But my heart defies logic. Because sometimes my heart scars ache.

Like today. 3 days before Mother’s Day.

It isn’t a searing; gut wrenching pain like it was years ago, now it is more like a dull ache that intensifies at times. But it is pain nonetheless.

I really try not to dwell on the fact that we do not have children. I try not to let myself be consumed with the “WHY?” And I try to be grateful. Because I am grateful, beyond words, for this beautiful life God has given us.

And y’all – Please hear my heart. I don’t hate Mother’s Day. My Mama is amazing. And I am so very thankful for her. And I LOVE to celebrate her on Mother’s Day.  I love to celebrate lots of Mamas on Mother’s Day. But can I just be real?

Mother’s Day makes my heart scars ache.

More than any other day of the year….because there is no escaping the obvious on Mother’s Day.

I am not someone’s Mama. And I may never be.

So, may I ask you a favor this Mother’s Day? As you celebrate your motherhood and your mothers, could you say a prayer for those of us who are tending to our broken hearts?

Rejoice in your blessings, please, and know that we rejoice with you, but remember those for whom those blessing have not come.

Father God, we come before you in the name of Your son, Jesus Christ. Thank You, Lord, that You are the God of all comfort. Thank you that You meet us where we are and minister to us there. Help us Lord and heal us. Give us opportunities to minister to others and as we rejoice in our blessings, let us also show compassion for those whose lives may lack what we have in abundance. We love you Father and we thank you for your great love for us. Help us to love you and love others more. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Love One Another – Giving when we are Empty


I stood in line at the patient check out desk listening to the admin congratulate all three of the women in front of me on their pregnancies.

I was praying with all of my heart that I could hold myself together until I could get to my car. I didn’t want to dampen their joy with my sorrow and I certainly didn’t want these women whose wombs were full of life to pity me because mine was not.

I barely made it to the parking lot. By the time I got to my car, my body was so racked with sobs I had to concentrate on not getting sick. I just wanted to get home, crawl in bed and forget this day. Finally, my sobbing abated enough for me to drive home. I prayed as I drove, begging God to give me peace in my grief.

I thought surely I was misunderstanding when I felt Him impressing on me to call a dear friend of mine with a newborn.

“Really, God? Right now? I don’t want to do that. Please don’t make me do that.”

Like a petulant child, I tried to convince God to change His mind about this. But the impressing on my heart got even stronger. So, even though I was quite sure there was nothing left in me to give, I obeyed and I called her.

I heard the raw emotion in her weary voice. No one had reached out to her in weeks. She felt like no one cared, and she was forgotten and alone. We were both in the midst of a famine, hers after becoming a Mom again, and mine as I was so desperate to be a Mama of even one.

In my obedience to call my friend when I felt my heart couldn’t handle it, God gave me strength to love on and encourage her.

As I prayed with her, I asked Him to come alongside her during this difficult time and I asked Him to bless her children. I praised Him for these blessings because He is the God of all creation and He is the One from whom all blessings flow.

I wish I could tell you that my grief and pain ended with that call. I wish I could tell you that I have become someone’s Mama in the months and years since then. But neither of those things happened.

What did happen is my God reminded me that He has empowered us and commanded us to love others, even in the midst of our pain. Even (especially) when we feel we have nothing left to give.

 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.  John 13:34-35 (NASB)

Father God, thank you for your great love for us. Thank you that because you first loved us, we can love one another. Help us to seek ways to encourage and build each other up even when we ourselves are struggling. Help us use our struggles to gain compassion for others who are struggling. Help us give when we feel we have nothing left. Help us to serve others when we’re tempted to pass up the opportunity. We love you Lord, and we want to honor you with our lives. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Weed Free


My husband and I are stewards of a little slice of awesomeness we call Manna Homestead. So, I guess technically, we are homesteaders. But that is whole other post for another day. 🙂

There are a few (read several) places on our property where we are in a constant fight with nature. We want the areas to be orderly and contained. Nature wants them to be wild and unruly.

One of the spots is the flower bed in front of our house. And I do use the term flower bed loosely.

Last year, the lines between flower and weed were so blurred, we just tore everything out. And it was rewarding. I loved seeing the fresh dirt just waiting for its new inhabitants. How exciting. It was a fresh start for new, beautiful things to settle in and put down roots.

But life got in the way and nothing new and beautiful got planted in this space. Fast forward 3 seasons and we find this ‘flower bed’ is completely overrun with vines, weeds, and other craziness I cannot even identify. It’s like there was never anything ‘good’ in this space at all.

So these last several evenings, I have donned my work gloves and worked at trying to bring some semblance of order back to my ‘flower beds.’   It is tough work, but I like the reward of seeing the fresh soil void of weeds and vines, just waiting for another fresh start.

As I was tugging at some particularly stubborn vines, I felt God urging me to pay attention to the task at hand. As I really looked at this area overrun with weeds, vines and stickers, I was reminded that this area is an example of what can happen when we allow the world to take over our hearts. Those weeds, vines and stickers take root. They choke out all the good and overrun our hearts with ugly, prickly weeds. And our thoughts become dark. Our words become cutting. Our lives become games of comparison and discontent. And we find ourselves wondering why everything seems so off kilter. Why life has lost its meaning and our souls have lost their hope.

But God.

But God is able. And when we surrender our hearts to Him, and allow Him to mold us, shape us and change us, our hearts begin to resemble the fresh soil. Void of weeds and vines, just waiting for a fresh start. Full of hope for what God will do and full of peace because we can trust that He is faithful to complete the work He began in us.

“The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.” Matthew 13:22-23

Father God, weed out our hearts. Take away the vines and prickly things. Replace them with Your peace, Your love, and Your hope. Let Your Truth take root and yield beauty. Help us look to You to fill us and complete us, and not the things of this world that will only leave us wanting. You alone are God and You are worthy of our praise. We love You. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

We Don’t Fit – Guest post by Rebekah Ann Champion

overstuffed suitcase

I love packing. I love having my clothes organized and neatly folded. Each thing catagorized and put in its own place. It makes me feel accomplished. I just fit ALL those clothes and shoes and hairsupplies and makeup and who knows what else in this one bag and it looks NICE. I get satisfaction in that. I get to the airport feeling confident and prepared and I realize that I missed one small detail. You can only have 50lbs per bag. I don’t fit on the plane. I can’t go with all the baggage.
I feel like in life, we all carry baggage. We all carry bulky bags of past hurts and mistakes that, later down the road, hinders us from what we should be doing. We can’t accomplish the things God is calling us to do because of one small detail.

We. Don’t. Fit.

Who doesn’t have baggage? I mean, if we’re completely honest with ourselves we all have have past regrets, past sins and past mistakes that we carry with us everywhere we go. That boyfriend we went too far with, that situation we’re still bitter about, that “thing” that happened to us or that we did that CONSTANTLY plagues our mind. That baggage feels like it ruins every relationship or situation we’ve ever been in and we can’t just seem to get rid of it.
Why do we do this to ourselves? We have a Savior that DIED so we wouldn’t have to carry our burdens, and yet we still refuse to put it down. We refuse to quit lugging around these dusty, disgusting, filled up bags and hold on to them for dear life. We’re afraid to put them down and throw off the baggage that weighs our hearts down, and keeps us from living life to the fullest.
Sooner or later we have to come to a point where we realize that the dealing with past hurts is so much easier than carrying them. The problem with that is that the baggage feels secure. It lets you leave up the walls that seemingly protect you. Throwing off the baggage means tearing down walls, and that equals vulnerability in our minds.

When airlines see that you’ve gone over your weight limit, you have to do one of 2 things. You either lose some of that baggage or you pay more money for an extra checked bag.
What are you willing to pay for your baggage ? Your job, your relationships, your joy? It seems simple enough to answer, but most of the time we end up paying for our bags instead of just getting rid of things inside of them. You don’t want to end up paying for your bags with these things, and suffer that cost just to carry around your past.

We all get to choose what we carry. It’s not easy to drop our bags and tear down those walls but it’s worth it. I hope you choose to fit on the plane by giving things up, rather than paying for them. Then next time it’s easier to pack light, because you’ve already gotten rid of something. You can make it. Sooner or later you’ll be boarding that plane with nothing more than yourself and what you have on you, no checked luggage required. Following Christ requires us to give up all we have and follow him. Drop it right there and go. Let go of the things that are so heavy that they hold you back. Loosen your fingers, stop holding your breath, and unclench your jaw. Stop trying to change the past by holding on to it, and instead embrace the future of what you can do NOW. Stop trying to fix with glue, what God can replace fully new. We deserve more than washable glued pieces that don’t quite fit together anymore.
So decide today, what baggage do you need to give up?

Resolution or Redemption


Oh, the sweet anticipation of a new year, a fresh start, a clean slate.

Historically, my resolutions each year were to drink less, smoke less, spend less, and cuss less.  To save more, go to church more, be more, and love more. I resolved each year that I would do better.

And I failed.

Every. Single. Time.

Oh, I did fine for about the first 24 – 48 hours.  Until I got over my new year’s hangover, and found myself once again with a drink in one hand and a smoke in the other spending money on booze and tobacco and cute clothes, shoes, and handbags to look the part I was so desperately trying to play.  Missing the mark once again and trying to convince myself it never really mattered in the first place.

Eventually, I stopped making resolutions all together.  I mean, good grief, why set myself up for failure?  Because each year, the anticipation of “new” began to tarnish quickly and that fresh start was short lived.  The clean slate was only an illusion, because all of those things I wanted to erase continued to eat away at my soul.

As I read the words I have written above, my heart aches for the lonely soul that was me.  Tears leak from my eyes as I remember how it felt to be lost.  The constant ache in my heart.  The all consuming pursuit of something that always seemed just out of reach.  Like a hamster on a wheel, running, running, running and getting nowhere.

I finally found what I was looking for all those years.  And it has forever changed me.

I no longer dedicate my life pursuing the temporary things of this world.  When the new year comes around, I find myself grateful for another year and in awe of the endless possibilities the new year will bring.  My lonely soul has found it’s perfect mate.  My wayward spirit has found a home and it wanders no longer through darkness.

I have found grace and forgiveness.

And I find myself still in awe that the God of all creation would love me enough to save me from myself.

And I find myself eternally grateful He did.

I don’t know what your life looks like.  I don’t know your struggles.  But I know God does.  And He is the answer.

Every. Single. Time.

“…….I ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!”  Ephesians 1:17-19 (the MSG)

Father God, thank you for salvation, redemption, grace, and forgiveness.  Thank you that you make this available to all who come to you believing.  I believe Lord, that you are who you say you are and I thank you for your sacrifice that I may live. Thank you that I am not who I was and that you have given my life hope and purpose.  I pray you will use these words I have written today to help heal the broken and bring you glory.  You alone are worthy.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.


Closets full of skeletons

My past is riddled with scores of bad decisions and multiple closets full of skeletons.

Honestly, I have often prayed that those skeletons would remain hidden away, out of sight, forever. But good grief, those things seem to clatter out when I least expect them to, and Lord have mercy on whomever happens to be around when those skeletons of mine start rattling around all out in the open and such.  EEEEEEKKKKK!!!!

Because ya’ll some of my past is shocking and shameful. And there are things I have done and said that STILL cause me great embarrassment.

But because of God’s great love for us…..ALL of my skeletons (and yours) are covered by His grace.

Every. Single. One.

Considering this soul cleansing, amazing grace, one would think it should be easy to talk about our past mistakes and the grace that erases them.

But it isn’t.

Because despite the amazing grace and compassion we have received, it is often not grace and compassion we choose to give. All too often we choose judgment.

I have been praying about this a lot lately. I have been asking God to help me replace my tendency to judge with a desire to choose grace and compassion. I am asking Him to help me speak life giving words and to withhold judgment on things that I was never meant to judge in the first place. Things like the skeletons in your closet. And mine.

Yesterday, God showed me grace and compassion in action.

I was having a conversation with a woman from my church. We were discussing ways to help another woman who is in the midst of a very difficult season. As she shared how this woman’s past is coming back to haunt her in the midst of her struggles, I felt led to share part of my story. I shared with her that I had an abortion when I was in my twenties.

My heart skipped a few beats as soon as the words left my mouth. And I waited to hear the shocked gasp. I waited to see the judgment in her eyes.

Neither came.

Instead, I saw tears fill her eyes as she chose grace. I felt compassion pour from her as she hugged me.

And something inside of me shifted a little. That something reminded me that it is important for me to share my story. Because my life is a wonderful example of a God who chooses grace and compassion. A God who has taken all the ashes of those skeletons in my past and has given me beauty.

For this I am forever grateful.

And to the woman who chose grace and compassion yesterday, thank you. God used you to inspire me to do the same.

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. Colossians 3:12-14 (MSG)

Lord, thank you for your grace and your compassion. You are the example we are to follow, help us to be more like you. Let us give grace, compassion, and kindness. Help us to love you and love others more. Thank you. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Help My Unbelief


I thought I had gotten through this brokenness. I thought I had released this to God for the last time. But alas…..I find myself holding onto broken dreams, dashed hopes, and doubt. Again. I despise this place. And I am frustrated with myself for falling back into the darkness when I know how beautiful life is in the light.

From the outside, I’m sure things look as they always do. I still get up each morning and go about my day. I still serve in the ministries God has given me. I still laugh and love, and find joy in my life. And I am grateful….eternally grateful for this beautiful life God has given me.

But my heart.

My heart aches for the child I do not have.

Does it negate all the blessings in my life when I continue to desire the one I do not have? Does this make me ungrateful or discontent?

Does it taint my prayers with a tinge of doubt? Because surely, if God heard my prayers, He would answer…….

But we remain childless…..despite the desires of our hearts to be parents. Despite all the requests by us and others for this blessing. The answer has not come.

I recently read a blog by a great Christian author about unanswered prayer. I desperately hoped this blog would help me understand how to move forward when prayers go unanswered for months, years, or lifetimes. But the blog ended with an answered prayer and happily ever after. YAY God. And YAY for those for whom the prayer was answered.

But what about the prayers that remain unanswered? The healing, the salvation, the child, the job, the marriage that never comes to pass? What do we do with those prayers….and what do we do with the brokenness they leave behind? I am struggling with this ya’ll. I really do believe God is who He says He is. And I know He loves Todd and me beyond all we can imagine. And I know His plan is good and perfect. But as much as I believe, I am begging Him to help my unbelief.

Because if I am not careful, I will view my lack of children as a chink in God’s armor. Making Him imperfect, impotent, untrustworthy, or uninterested. And this, my friends, is dangerous ground. Because God is none of those things and allowing myself to believe He is will slowly chip away at my faith. So like the father in Mark 5:24, I am asking God to help me overcome my unbelief.

“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 5:23-24

Father God, we come before you today in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. Father, Thank you that you can handle our doubt and our questions. Thank you that you love us enough to meet us right where we are. Lord, you are good, even when we don’t understand. You are good, even when life looks different than we planned. God, I know you hear the prayers of your people. Today I pray on behalf of myself and others who have continually lifted prayers in your holy name.   Prayers that from our finite human perspective have gone unanswered. I pray you would touch our hearts today Father. Help our unbelief. Bind up our broken hearts and encourage us in our walk so that we may draw nearer to you through this and not drift away. We love you, Jesus and we trust your perfect plan. In Your name, Amen.

I’m Ok, I live here

I was about seven years old, playing in our front yard when I decided it would be fun to pretend to be a hitchhiker. Mind you, back then, hitchhiking wasn’t necessarily ‘cool’ but it did lead one to imagine the neat places, people, and things a person who hitchhiked across the country might see. And I was bored.

So I moseyed on down to the well traveled country road that ran in front of our house and threw out my upturned thumb in the universal ‘hitch a ride’ stance.   I was thinking how cool I must look, all well traveled and confident, just another world traveler waiting on my next ride. (Oh my mercy, what an imagination….)

But then a truck stopped. And the man driving the truck opened the door. And he asked me if I needed a ride


My legs would not work. And even though my brain was screaming “I’m OK – I live here!” My normally chatty mouth WOULD not, COULD not make any words come out. So I stood there with my mouth agape, and my body trembling until he closed the door and finally sped away.

Go ahead, breathe a collective sigh of relief that my recklessness did not get me kidnapped or killed.

Honestly, when I think about this story from my now adult perspective, I find myself realizing that not too much has changed.

Even in my ‘grown up’ state, I am still prone to wander, sometimes fascinated and drawn by the siren call of the world. At times, boredom can still motivate me to do not so smart things that put me in danger of being swept away by the first wave that crashes into my little world.


You see, I really do believe that God is who He says He is. I believe He is the way, the truth, and the life. And I rejoice in these truths. Really, I do. But sometimes.

Sometimes, I take my eye off the prize.

Like Peter stepping out of the boat to go to Christ in Matthew 14. He WALKED ON WATER YA’LL!!! Because his focus was on THE ONE who gives us the power to do so. But the very second Peter took his eyes off Christ, he became afraid and beginning to sink, he cried “Lord, save me!”

Don’t miss this next part of the scripture ya’ll: “Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him.” (emphasis mine)

Immediately. WOW.

When I wander, when I do not so smart stuff, when I am sinking in deep water, and when fear stops me in my tracks, the moment I cry out to God, He reaches out His hand and catches me.

My heart is so full with this truth. I think I’ll rest here awhile. Will you join me?

Father God, thank You for Your great love for us. Thank you that You hear the cries of Your people. Thank you Lord, that no matter how hopeless things seem, You are our hope. Thank you that no matter how far away we wander, You lovingly bring us back into Your fold. Help us to keep our focus on You, Father. And in those times that we lose our focus, help us be quick to return it to You. We love You and we praise You, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”  “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:28-31


I fail people constantly in ways I don’t even understand.

My words are too few. My words are too many. I don’t give enough. I try to give too much.

It’s exhausting and I am weary.

I am weary of the practice of people pleasing. I am exhausted from acting like I have it all together even as the plates I have spinning in the air come crashing down around me. Plates full of people, feelings, responsibilities, and other assorted life stuff that needs my attention. I don’t know if anyone else struggles like this because frankly, I have been afraid to ask. I mean, really, who wants to talk about their failures? Who wants to share their fears about not being good enough? I don’t.

But I think I am supposed to. Because perhaps if I do, then someone else will, and then someone else will, and then, perhaps all of us doing this life thing together will start being real. We’ll stop hiding behind the façade of perfection and begin giving and extending grace.

So, Here is Nichole, removing the façade.

I question myself a lot. In my mind, my failures outweigh my successes. I take thoughtless words spoken by people and allow them to replace the truth in my life. I listen to the lies satan whispers in my ears telling me that I am the same selfish, unkind, unloving person I used to be. I allow a bad day or a bad moment to convince me I am none of the things I want to be. It’s no wonder I find myself weary and exhausted.

I want to break this cycle. I want to live in the freedom of God’s truth about who I am and not be deceived into believing things contrary to His truth.

The truth is that God has begun a good work in me. He is molding me, shaping me, and refining me. Because of who He is and who I am to Him, I am holy, chosen, and dearly loved. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I gratefully accept His grace as it covers my shortcomings. And I am trying to start extending that grace to myself. I am focusing on not allowing the approval of man take priority over the approval of my God.

I am trying to figure out how to be ok with failing people by not meeting their expectations of who they think I should be. I am trying to be okay with letting people down when they hold me to unrealistic standards and I am trying to extend those people grace even when they withhold grace from me.  I am trying not to let my failures define me and I am hopeful that those plates I have dropped will find themselves whole again, filled to overflowing with hope, grace, love, and acceptance.

“….being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

Father God, thank you for who you are and thank you for your great love for us. We thank you for the good work you have begun in us, and that you will continue that work to completion. Help us to encourage one another and build each other up. Let us extend grace to one another and to ourselves. May our thoughts, words, and actions honor you. Because of you, Lord, we are holy, chosen, and dearly loved. May Yours be the only favor we seek. In Christ’s name, Amen.



http://P31 OBS Blog Hop

Years ago, a friend of mine bared his soul to me and told me he no longer ‘felt’ God. I remember thinking…how can you NOT feel God? I mean, His presence is everywhere, right?

How naïve I was and how heartbroken I have been.

Because just recently, I couldn’t ‘feel’ God either. Yes, I know many of you are already judging me in your mind….”Well, Nichole, you can’t live by what you feel, and it doesn’t matter if you can feel God or not. He is there.” Thank you for that, but trust me, it DOES matter. Because feeling His presence in my life has gotten me through some of the most painful things I have ever experienced. And NOT feeling His presence has left me feeling broken, lost, and fragile.

I tried to teach myself to row a boat once. It was a complete disaster. I got in the row boat, and it floated toward the middle of the pond. After reading awhile and soaking up some sun, I decided it was time to go back to shore. So I rowed, and I rowed, and I rowed. But I didn’t move towards the shore, I was only rowing myself in circles. Round, and round, and round. I could see the shore, but I couldn’t feel the land under my feet. Lately my life has resembled this experience, and I want (NEED) to feel land again.

I know I have mentioned it before, but this past year has been very difficult for me. I have been sick (like, don’t leave my house kinda sick) for almost 6 of the last 12 months. What’s worse is I thought I was better. Things seemed to be moving in the right direction, and then BAM, I am sick again and this time it is not just my body that is sick, it is my heart as well. I have spent the last month crying, screaming, ignoring, and withdrawing from God. Because I am angry….I am hurt….. I am frustrated….and… I am SICK OF BEING SICK. So there you have it.

I knew I was withdrawing from God.When I prayed, my prayers sounded hollow and forced.When I read my Bible, the words seemed like they were written for someone else.Someone more committed, more church-ey, and definitely more godly than I.And NO ONE knew.Not ONE person.Except perhaps my husband.Because I am a master at hiding my pain and I know all the right words to say and how to turn the conversation back to them when people ask me about me.My pain and frustration ran deep, and I held on to them both like trophies, stubbornly refusing to let them go, to surrender them to the only One who can heal and restore me.But yesterday, something shifted.I heard song that God used to break through the shell I had placed around my heart.

“Jesus, please come please come today hear me heal me be near me I pray I have fallen so far flat on my face I’m in need of your grace today I stumble and fall but in spite of it all your love always stays the same Hallelujah Hallelujah”Heather Williams – Hallelujah

How awesome my God is, to use this song to speak to my very soul.To remind me that He loves me and even though I stand in the middle of a raging storm, He is with me, He has not left me, He has not forsaken me and His love never fails….even when I do.I have heard many times as of late that you are either drawing close to God or you are drifting away.There is so much truth in this statement, truth that I never understood until now.Ya’ll life is tough and I know there are so many struggling with BIG stuff.Things that wreck everything in your life and make you question God.Rest assured, He can handle the questions, and He will answer in ways only He can.May I remind you today that His strength is made perfect in our weakness, and while this may sound like a cliché, I invite you to trust Him on this and see what mighty work He does in you and through you.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Father God, forgive me for not trusting You with my pain. Help me to remember Your grace is sufficient in all things. Lord, forgive me for trying to do this alone, and forgive me for withdrawing from You when I should have been drawing nearer. You are my God and I am overwhelmed with how You love me and draw me closer to You. I thank You Father for Your truth and I ask You to use my pain for Your glory. In Christ’s name, Amen.